He is always watching!

On our shopping trip to Walmart Tristin was in complete melt down mode. She was yelling screaming and kicking while sitting in front of the buggy. I do my best to completely ignore her and continue shopping. All of a sudden she sits up straight and gets quiet.

Tristin- "I'm sorry mommy I will be good now. "

Me- "umm okay?"

I turn and reach to get something off a shelf and to my surprise I see a large elderly man looking at Tristin smiling. This gentleman had long white hair glasses and a long white beard! I don't know who he was but I thank him for a more enjoyable shopping trip!

Up up and away!

"Mommy when I grow up I want to be a REAL superhero! All I need is a superhero outfit and some pixie dust to fly!"

As pretty as a picture!

Me- "Tristin why did you color all over yourself?"

Tristin- "Because mommy I'm a work of art!"

Stop drop and roll

Tristin- "Mommy what's that?"

Me- "It's a fire extinguisher."

Tristin- "Will it sting me?"

Me- "No it is for fires."

Tristin- "Why would you want to sting a fire?"

Where are the leftovers?

Tristin- "Mommy we need to go see granddaddy at the hospital today. The doctor cut his knee off and pushed a new one in."

Me- "We will go see him after school today."

Tristin- "Since he is getting a new knee can I have his old one?"

Leaving on a Jet Tub

While Tristin is playing in the bath tub she excitedly says, "Mommy look when I toot toot it makes bubbles! "While she continues to laugh, I continue to see more bubbles for about 15 seconds on and off.  Suddenly she stands up with a look of panic and says "Uh oh I gotta poop!"

I pay for Christian Preschool

Tristin- " mommy can we see Jesus? "

Me- " I hope to one day"

Tristin-"Can I see him now?"

Me- "Well we can see him in everything and everyone around us."

Tristin- "Does he live in Jesus World?"

Me- "Sort of....its called Heaven"

Tristin- "yeah but I want to call it Jesus World because everyone is happy there......JUST LIKE DISNEY WORLD!"

Playing the harp

"Seriously Mommy you are plucking my nerves! Go to your room before I spank you!"

Time to take a ride on the short bus

"IM NOT WEIRD! IM SPECIAL!"

A classic masterpiece

I find Tristin in Regan's room standing against the wall, and she yells,  " Oh no now my big boobies are stuck to the wall! " I turn her around and the wall and her chest are covered in stickers!

CAUTION fall causes head injuries?

Me- "Tristin for show and tell you need to bring in something that makes you think of fall. What do you want to bring?

Tristin- "My helmet"

Me- "What does that have to do with fall?"

Tristin- "Mommy its for when I FALL off my bike!"

A yellow light means HURRY UP BEFORE IT TURNS RED!

Driving to the salon to get Tristin's hair cut, we come to a red light and stop. From the back seat Tristin screams "WHAT THE HELL GET OUT OF THE WAY ASS HOLE! "

Ain't nothing but a G thang

"I live in Mechanicsville.  Grandma lives in Brandywine. Aunt Erica lives in La Plata. Aunt Becky lives in the HOOD!"

What's your return policy?

Tristin- "Mommy I want a new baby brother or sister. "

Me- Why? You don't like the one you have.

Tristin- I know mommy that's why I want a new one!

Mt. Boobies

"Mommy when my boobs grow I want them to be as big as a mountain"

I am woman hear me ROAR!

In the middle of a Mommy and Tristin shopping trip, an old lady approaches us.

Old lady smiles- "You are an adorable little girl! "

Tristin scowling at the old lady- "NO I'M NOT!"

Old lady quickly replies- "Yes you are!"

Tristin with hands on her hips and snaking her neck at the old lady- "No I'm not! I AM A WOMAN!"